Whoa, dude.

So my ten year old cousin was just caught on facebook explaining what "incognito" meant. God, I love my family.

It isn't so much that I study what people say. People always assume this when I tell them I study philosophy. They ask "what's something wise that the one philosopher said. you know, the one with the beard and the robe." "Socrates?" "yeah! that guy!"
I study what people have in common. I study relationships because the middle path is the only way towards truth. My role model has always been the idea of the Buddha and Bruce Lee. And the stereotypical Chinese Master, whom I assume is Lao Tzu. Oh, and the Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Kong?). And Thoreau, Oscar Wilde, William Wycherley, Lewis Hyde... you know. 
It's a dissembling of old ritual to seek inner truth. Genetic irregularities that cause the abominably that creates the heart. I think it's connected to primal brain, perhaps through the pineal gland. Connected to dreams and reaching higher consciousness. I hate that phrase.  
People get so stuck in their own patterns to seek the divine that they actually keep themselves from it. Like if you make one slice of cake it's really good. If you keep eating cake, you're going to get sick. 


That is the importance of mental flexibility. 


Another major part of that is continuing to be sensitive enough to flow with your environment. You could create those hard boundaries, but it keeps you from knowing the truth. In reality, I'm so much more capable than any of my fortified brothers or sisters for the very same reason that they're walled up. 


I might not be able to tell you how I got here, but I can tell you what the sunset is going to look like in four days. 


And that, my friends, is the deep kind of understanding you get for sitting for five years. You see how you die, how the universe operates, how to listen to your inner spirit, how to spot lies- how to sit so still that action arises by itself. It's funny, when I'm in those places is when I'm doing the most movement. Arms flow by themselves right to the perfect spot. Movement itself becomes a dance- as does thought. Mental compositions with a million piece orchestra and yet- and yet I can't speak about it in person. 


And there is the rub. No one else is able to put this into words. They dance, sure. In the studio with their bodies. They can pretend to die, in the theater with their thespians.  They can listen to their inner spirit, in the forest and not the city. And they can spot lies if they train their entire lives. It's these small attempts at greatness that let me know where I am. I can understand dance as it applies to a higher purpose or music as it applies to the language of the universe, but I can't dance or sing myself. I'm so infinitely capable but totally misunderstanding. Or is it understanding and incapable? I try so desperately to bring people together. Trying to get ethno-mathematicians to talk with biologists. They don't wanTt to learn the other discipline because they are busy with their own. I want to learn each way to live and bring them together. I know many people say that, but I truly study as many options as I can. That is why I think in networked sequences. I understand your universe and the twenty people that compose your group. I see networks because I think in networks. How the fundamental understanding of Francis is going to connect with the universe Sarah puts together. I get that. I can see it in the fucking shopping centers. What I don't know how to do is perfectly connect my universe with anybody else. I have so many options it actually becomes impossible to make a choice on one and so I sit here. 


The universe gently brings these things to me as a meal would be brought to a sickly child. My mother's friends laugh at the idea of doing manual labor. "That certainly seems manageable" Yeah, well so does sticking your head in the sand so you could marry a rich man and live on fortune alone. You're the least wealthy of them all. The characters on the street, playing drums and harmonica and guitar at once, the gold man, the painter- these are men who understand the earth. They stick to the fundamentals and live by order of the eternal realm. They live by season and temperament- Connected to the earth so closely they become Lunatics (touched by the moon). For the closer you crouch towards the earth, the higher your next bound into space. 


The most divine feeling in the known world is when the weather suddenly turns cold and the earth is the major source of warmth. The heat oozing out of the black earth. It makes it feel alive and for a moment I sit down and pray. I say hello to the earthly gods and thank them dearly for carving my way into the world. The wind throws me about and I thank it for providing the air to my lungs. The very acts of nature a part of who I am as a person. The waves crashing me about as the blood in my heart. This is a childlike sense of wonder and awe. 


The only true source of the divine.