quick

For me, going into a new situation brings totally different networks of ideas. I could start sweeping and visually see all the different networks associated with sweeping. It's zen. The feel of the handle, the reaction against the floor, the dispersement of dust and the such.

Each person I talk with, every motion I do, I'm continually editing my experience and measuring reactions. I like working in teams because it's more efficient. I enjoy conservancy of energy. I really love to learn things. I love working with my hands for that tactile experience. People don't like to walk barefoot, but I used to all the time- out on the a'a lava of hawaii.

With each experience, this network appears. I can visualize my neurobiology and actively change it. When I was a kid, I was amazed that my parents wouldn't let me do certain things. I learned how to knife fight when I was five years old, yet I didn't start to curse until I was 13. I realize I curse too much now. That's going to change. See, all of metacognition studies tell us that we first must understand our behavior before we can change it. Honesty allows us to accurately see what is going on- to remove ourselves from the situation. The problem is I don't know anybody like me. I have no group to go run to. Every spiritual practice eventually runs into some silly little story to obsess over. The excellence of sports are killed in the presentation; the media is all about red verses blue instead of the actual struggle that is the sport. etc.

It's easy for me to deduce things otherwise undiscovered. Every time I seem to join in any team activity, I provide something essential, even if the others don't recognize it. I don't care to flaunt what I can do, for the simple reason that the action is the virtue, not the opinion of it. I like to keep this little journal but it's only a single beam of light from a round diamond.