Ain't that a trip.

hi there sweets. how have you been?

tired. mostly. you?

Learning mostly. And searching for balance.

how so, lady?

Well I've learned a lot about myself. And I've taken a lot of weight off my shoulders recently. Ya know... cleanin out the closet and purifying the spirit. I haven't balanced all my elements yet.
But I'm close to being at peace with myself.

I hear a lot of people going through that same thing right now

I've become fascinated with self editing.

how so?

I can change every aspect of myself. Cept maybe my natural born instincts. Haven't tried that yet. It's exhilarating honestly. I can be anything.
My problem is focusing on one thing at a time. I'm sporadic. What I get for being born a dire sign.

do you have a practice?

Fire*
What you mean?

well some people call it a spiritual practice, but really, it's any kind of practice. I have a friend that expresses the same sentiment you are now talking about. his practice is lifting weights.
know what I mean?

In that case I have many practices. I write I walk I meditate I use deep breathing. I sing in the shower and I wake up a new person every new day. Recently I have gotten into the tarot. I'm getting my own cards soon. I'm excited.

it certainly helps to have some sort of discipline to it.
I have a mix of crossfit (olympic lifting, squats, etc), a hermetic tradition (which is what inspired the first renaissance) and taoism
I say the first renaissance because I think this is the second one, right now

well it certainly does help to have discipline. that is one aspect of myself i'm still working on. you know me, i've got works in progress laying around everywhere. but i don't like routine. it makes me yawn.

routine is destructive

so i try and mix it up. find something new every day to teach me something about myself.
or i go through phases.

what I like about crossfit is that it's anti-routine. there are some pillars of truth that I lean on to help me develop in the way I want to go
first, honesty. if i'm honest about how I feel or how I act, I can change it much easier. good feedback improves the quality of assessing what has to change

I use my sixth sense. I'm not sure what else to call it. There's this force inside me that lets me know when I'm headed in the right direction. Women's intuition may let me down sometimes, but faith in Karma and the ability to find a silver lining in every situation keeps me going.
right now i'm at a crossroads, though, honestly. i have some choices to make, but i'm not sure what i want, yet.

it's always a crossroads. haha

well, i say crossroads, but really i feel like...
i've been wandering in the middle of the forest for some years, just gathering all kinds of experience and shit, and now here i am in the middle of a clearing, this little circle where everything outside of it is constantly shifting and changing depending on which way i turn and with what sort of attitude and ambitions.
i can go anywhere i want to but the problem is i don't know where i want to go.
i'm not lost or anything, i just don't know what i wanna be when i grow up.

what do you want to be right now?

I wanna be a lot of things, actually. I just don't know where to start.
I wanna be immortal.
That one I got down, though.
I just gotta keep writing. After all, writing makes me The Voice Of Creation.
And it will make me immortal some day.


where are you getting this language?

What do you mean?

the "voice of creation", wanting to be immortal, editing yourself... are you reading this somewhere?

nope. all me.
Actually, I'm getting a tattoo that has to do with The Voice Of Creation.

you'd be surprised how close what you're saying is to many thousand year old practices. it's quite entertaining.