"I cannot know unless I pursue.
All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.
But one day the "why" arises and everything begins in that weariness tinged with amazement. "Begins" --this is important. Weariness comes at the end of the acts of a mechanical life, but at the same time it inaugurates the impulse of consciousness.
You explain this world to me with an image. I realize then that you have been reduced to poetry. So that science that was to teach me everything ends up in a hypothesis, that lucidity founders in metaphor, that uncertainty is resolved in a work of art. I realize that if through science I can seize phenomena and enumerate them, I cannot, for all that, apprehend the world.
To will is to stir up paradoxes but that very difficulty deserves reflection."
I began today with a question. It's a question that's bothered me for a long time.
Wildness, how?
I've repressed my personality for a long time. I continue to do so. I wish to say this simply- to be conscious of such a thing is hell. Yet worse is to be unconscious of such a thing- to have an ailment without an understanding of it is much worse. I once heard that if you have a toothache, knowing why it aches doesn't help soothe the pain. Knowing you will survive it does. "This too shall pass" has been one of the things that has kept me alive during periods of deep depression.
It's made my struggle with repression into a beautiful thing, if only in retrospect. To return to that question...
Wildness how?
How do you create wildness? It's a problem poorly defined. Wildness isn't created, it's allowed. Repression is created. It's like trying to open your hand by holding tighter. It's the fundamental human problem, in my opinion.
Wildness how?
What a beautiful thing.
Every day, incredible.
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